What if I told you that independence is a myth?
Do you sometimes feel like you’re meant to be doing it all by yourself?
Do you think that asking for help is a bad thing?
Do you feel like independence is a good thing and you pride yourself like:
All my women, who independent.. Throw your hands up at meh…
That was totally me…
I used to think that I was all meant to do it all by myself.
I thought full independence meant relying on myself and that NEVER asking for help was a good thing.
I thought that asking for help was a sign of weakness.
That relying on other people for support didn't really count or make me worthy of credit.
That effort or action that was generated through getting help from others, wasn't really real or proper action that was good enough…
I used to think that I would be a burden to others if I asked for support when I actually really needed it. I’d talk myself out of getting and reaching out for help, which actually often left me thinking I had to do it all alone and made me feel deeply unhappy, lonely and like I was a loser.
Independence in the sense of do everything by yourself and you shouldn't lean on others is a myth, lovely people. And I know how it feels when you think like that..
It's a seductive trap of perfectionism. The kind that will make you believe that it has to be perfect to make it count, that you have to please others to be worthy, that you don't bring value, that others do it better than you, anything it takes to limit you, hold you back and to prevent you from moving towards your dreams and things you most want. DON’T FALL FOR IT..!
Because doing things or sometimes just being as is in life can be hard work without the added pressure we put on ourselves as highly ambitious people, let alone with it.
And let's be real...
Building that thing or creating a life or career, making any shift or change that is impactful for yourself and /or others is often something that is much bigger than just yourself.
Since I've embarked on my life coaching journey, I've learned to check this notion of independence and catch the difference for myself in the question:
Am I ultimately coming from a place of love or sabotage for myself?
Am I afraid to ask for help or acknowledge that I feel a little stuck, because I fear what others will think of me, that it’s not good enough, etc.. (aka sabotage)?
Or can I accept that it's okay and more than normal to lean on others and to seek support to help us forward and to help us learn?
Can I accept that it's okay to say, I need some help or advice...? Because we ALL need help and advice in life sometimes.
Look at and think about the most successful people or your role models or idols. Do you really think they build their success and sustained it without other people’s help? Think again..
So often we forget that we're not meant to do it all by ourselves.
But the moment we can accept that we’re not meant to do this alone, especially when times get hard, a heavy burden lifts off your shoulders.
I know this from my own experience, because my mentors and coaches along the way have helped me propel forward in my life and career goals in ways more than I could ever dream of doing than just figuring out by myself.
It's about embracing interdependence - knowing and trusting to rely and lean on others when we need to.
We all need encouragement and support.
Celebrations big and small can be so much more when they can be shared.
Equally challenges can be solved or eleviated when we recognise and nurture the people that can support us when times get hard.
And remember..
We’re all in this together <3
With love,
Marlous xoxo
Thank you so much for reading my blog.
Now, I’d love to hear from you what you’ve taken away and what has resonated with you most.
What does independence mean in your version of success that feels truest for you?
Leave a comment below!