How do we truly enable powerful learning and reflection? / by Marlous Teh


I’ve been in week three of my life coaching course with the Beautiful You Academy and I’ve had the most exciting and heart-filling opportunities learnings in the last weeks.

For our coaching call yesterday, my coaching buddy and I courageously put our hands up to be volunteers for our class in coaching training. To say we were nervous was an understatement. I was shaking and I know my beautiful buddy was too.

We knew this was going to happen almost a week out, and prepared for it. Yet before the session I almost felt like throwing up 😳😭 Practicing coaching in front of the whole class with fellow coaches across the globe and never having done or experience it...  What could go wrong right? Finally coming into it I was excited to have the opportunity to be the coach but still extremely nervous. Then finishing the coaching session,  I was relieved it was over, but also went into immediate feedback mode.

Whilst our head coach Julie Parker gave us feedback instantly, her feedback was filled with encouragement and a whole lot of positive feedback.

I, however, immediately wanted to know.. What did I do not so great and especially what can I do better next time? I could hear myself going through it, waiting for the negative feedback, critiquing where had I missed the opportunity to ease my client more, where did I not pause long enough, what questions could I have asked better?

My head coach made me realise something really profound for me. She didn’t ask this, but I reflected on where are those questions coming from and what is it doing?

I realised I was discounting the good stuff and I didn’t stop to celebrate the amazing fact that we freaking did it! We had the courage to be the first, and we got very positive feedback overall and there were so many things that did go well!

Who can resonate with this?

I don’t think it’s bad at all to reflect how we can do better. But the profound realisation comes that

my questioning to “have to be better” was coming from a place of fear. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of judgement.

Was I good enough? Why didn’t I do that? Did I do okay? How did it come across? I should have done this there and this here. And I was subconsciously kicking myself for the missed opportunities in that call that I know I could’ve done better. I was feeling small and was telling myself I should’ve been ashamed for having done “badly” as I was running that tape...

Why do we beat ourselves up? And what good can we find in being sooooo hard on ourselves?

My head coach pointed out something that resonated deeply.

Are we reflecting from a place of love and compassion?

And that hit me. In that moment right after our coaching call, I absolutely wasn’t. So I took the rest of the day off from coaching stuff, shared with a few loved ones how awesome it was and how grateful I was for the experience and sent a high five to my buddy.

Because what truly matters to me is that I do celebrate the small wins. And with that, I can now go back to our recording and listen to our coaching call from a place of love, not to criticise how bad we did or “are” right now.

I will go in imagining we were to encourage our best friend, and helping them unfold what we could even do better next time, genuinely out of love. For ourselves to be and do better, for ourselves and others.

How much more powerful and intentional could we learn if we were to treat ourselves with more love and compassion, as we would our best friend? 

Thanks so much for reading my blog. Please leave a message if sharing my learning and reflections have helped you in yours. Wishing you lots of learning and reflecting that’s coming from a place of love!

Marlous :) xoxo

What have your experiences been in learning and reflecting? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this!